@Myceli0m - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: What do you like about creating art?

The creative liberty of drawing anything that i can think of, horror concepts, fanart etc.

So many opportunities to grab at, yet so many artists are too afraid.

Q: What does it mean to be an artist?

Rough question, but to be an artist, you'd have to examine an artist that you find inspirational.

Say like, I find Ken Currie's art to be horrifying yet fascinating. Makes you really wonder how someone can make the human body or face look ghostly or unnatural.

Q: What do you like about the horror genre?

For one you can experiment with ideas that you can come up with, psychological horror especially is my favourite.

Main example of that is The Shining, the sheer mindfuckery in the movie is just a chef's kiss.

And I find John Carpenters The Thing movie to be a masterpiece of his work, not because of the practical effects, but because it feels.... I dont know how to describe it. Genuine? Like you feel like you're actually IN the movie.

Q: How did you discover NG, and why did you join?

Friday night funkin unfortunately, although i wish i wouldve discovered ng via "The visitor" game, gorey but a classic!

Q: Do you feel scared when you see thin, shadowy figures while getting a drink at 2 a.m.? Why do you think your mind might be playing tricks on you? Have you had other experiences like that?

First of all, WOW WHAT A FUNNY JOKE HAHA! no i dont get scared cause i know its my brain being funky.

Secondly, no joke today i woke up with an auditory hallucination of that one ringtone that android has, the one that sounds pleasant during the morning, but terrifying during the night, and i heard the ring tone like if it was playing in my headphones.

And thirdly, I dont think so? Sure i heard my name being called even though noone said my name but other than that, nothing really happens, it's a rare occasion.

Q: Why are people on the Internet?

Well if you ask me, alot of people are on the internet because its easier to connect with people and share art, music, and whatever creative stuff they share, and share their interests.

Q: What music do you like?

Hmmm... Its random persé, sometimes i like to listen to classical music, sometimes pop or rap, but videogame music too.

Q: Your advice for creating art

Dont be hesitant to try out new things ok? Cause if you dont get out of your comfort zone you will never know your full potential. But at the same time i do have a warning, dont do any suggestive or adult artwork when you're a minor cause thats going to backfire on you so hard you're going to live to regret it to the grave, you will not only be hated, but also that will be used against you whenever you're arguing with someone online.

Q: The story of your username: Myceli0m?

"what if i just named myself myceli0m"

What makes something cool?

Uniqueness, or anything 90's for me. But for the majority of people, something that is cool is purely subjective, like hell i believe people find like i dont know, a crocodile with sunglasses on a skateboard, or a big chunky black bear with some shades on cool or whatever.

@Gelert - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: How has art influenced your life? Have you always drawn traditionally?

1- Well, I've been drawing pretty much my whole life and it has always been a hobby that I can return to at any point regardless of how much time has passed. But for the most part I don't really draw much nor does it have much relevance to my day-to-day life outside of the internet, so for me it's just "a thing that I enjoy doing" and not much else. I really do enjoy it though!

As for the traditional part: I think most if not all of us start drawing on 'traditional' mediums; we've all picked a pen and made some doodles on our notebooks in school, so in that sense I think 99% of artists start in a "traditional" way. It is the jump to digital that has to be made *after* having the interest spark from traditional, and it's a step I have yet to take.

Q: Why do you think you watch YouTube on a daily basis? What do you think about YouTube?

2- It's not really uncommon for people to watch YouTube on the daily (or any other form of entertainment) nowadays, and I don't think it's a bad thing necessarily (although it heavily depends on what type of content you watch and how much). As for the reason why, I'm not really knowledgeable enough to give you a better answer other than "that's just how it is for me".

And as for my thoughts on YouTube...I don't really have much, honestly. Conceptually? One of the best things we have today; As a platform? It's great! (although it has been getting a bit worse over the years); As a company? Haven't heard the best of things. But overall YouTube encapsulates so much nowadays that we'd have to be talking about a specific topic within YT for me to (maybe) have a substancial opinion.

Q: What are some music? And what is it specifically you like about Vocaloid?

3- What I like about Vocaloid is how much it represents the sense of community. Miku as a whole is just a product, a design with a name and nothing else, but the fact that she has become the icon that she is today is thanks to people that do art and songs revolving around her. Nothing is official, and for that, everything is.

Vocaloid is fanon at its maximum expression, it's the "Everything, by everyone" motto taken to heart, united by the same love for the virtual diva that each and every single fan shares. And I find that to be an amazing thing.

I also just really like the music for how it sounds, of course. There's literal hundreds of bangers out there, and you always have more to discover! Unfortunately I can't really go into detail for that in here, since 1.- It's quite difficult to talk about particular recommendations for the 'genre' (which isn't a genre to begin with), and 2.- The character limit doesn't allow me to xD

Q: What are the long text you like to practice your English skills?

4- So, I often mention that "I like to practice my English skills" as a joke because I find it funny, but in reality I just like writing unnecessarily lengthy texts. And not even creative or literary ones, but rather inconsequential stuff like comments on posts and discord chats. And oftentimes you can cut like 60% of what I say and it still delivers the same amount of information (case in point: this interview). As much as it pains me to admit...I have the heart of a Redditor.

Also, fun fact!: I had to cut and resume a LOT of things that I wrote down for this interview; the first time I managed to barely stay below the limit, but the second time I wanted to make sure NG didn't deleted it again, so I played it even safer xD

Q: How did you discover the NG community and why did you join?

5- In a timeline: I had always known of Newgrounds ever since I discovered the internet, but I only thought of it as "that old forum website with edgy people on it...and porn" so I never bothered looking into it further.

I got interested in creating an account for myself around the release of Week 2 of FnF, since I loved both the game and the community that was forming at the time (emphasis on 'at the time').

After that I kept on exploring the site for more interesting games and cool art. I tried uploading my own drawings a couple of times, but I always ended up deleting them out of shame. That was until I participated on the 2021 Secret Santa event, which made me actually want to try and be part of the community. Granted, I haven't been as active as I'd like to be, but hey, I'm still here and plan on staying for longer!

Q: The story of how you created the "OC Plaza" post on the Art Forum, what are your conflicting feelings on the thread?

6- To keep it "short": The idea for the thread was born shortly after doing my second "Art Trades/Requests" post on the forums (which is now deleted BTW, but the first one is still public). I saw that a lot of people, both after and before me, were doing similar threads asking for characters to draw, so I thought "why not make a big thread that is public for everyone? That way people like me don't have to be making new threads constantly and the forum isn't as crammed with them!" (I didn't really mind them, but most of them where pretty similar if not identical to one another. They were quite common, too).

The "conflicting feeling" part comes from the fact that, when creating the thread, I had the self-imposed idea of making a drawing for every single person that left their character in (seems excesive, I know, but it didn't seem that big of a task at the time). This, however, proved to be quite difficult even from the beginning, making me struggle to even finish one drawing, and as time went on I felt even more daunted by the idea of sharing anything on my own thread. It made me feel like a fraud.

Nowadays that feeling still hasn't fully gone away, but it's vastly overshadowed by the positive feeling that I get everytime I open my notifications and see people interacting with the thread. Seriously, the fact that it has kept active for YEARS makes me very happy, and I'm truly grateful for all the artists that have posted on it.

Q: Why do people create OCs?

7- For a multitude of reasons, honestly. Some for telling stories, others for the pure sake of designing, and some for having the freedom to draw characters however and whenever they want. At the end of the day though, I believe that OC's are both a result and a tool for creative expression, regardless of how they are created.

Q: Your advice for being part of the community

8- As I mentioned before, I haven't really been doing the best job at "being part of the community" myself. But, for what it's worth: My advice would be to loosen up more, and realize that this isn't Twitter, or any other social media site for that matter. Newgrounds is made not from the site itself but the people that are in it, so post what you *really* want to post without much worry.

Q: Your art advice

9- My advice would be to try and truly understand your artistic process: What your strengths and weaknesses are, and most importantly, to know what you enjoy doing the most. Some artists like doing lineart the most, others coloring, others rendering, and similarly you could have a preference over fanart, environments, etc.; Try to understand what really makes you enjoy your process and make it your strength.

Stepping out of your comfort zone is important as well, of course (you can't really improve without doing so), but understanding what that zone is for you is also important so you can expand it as much as you can.

Q: What does it mean to be Mexican for you?

10- Literally speaking: To be from Mexico. In a more emotional, personal sense: ...to be from Mexico.

In all honesty, while I do love living here, I'm not really that patriotic about it, so...yeah. I do love my country though! (Most of it, anyways xD)

@MMFan2004 - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: How would you describe your life?

Just some random four-eyed South-East Asian wasted too much looking at other stuff on the internet, before taking a break once you went too far.

Q: How did cooking and baking become some of your favorite activities?

I'm already explained that in the last question. But in a highly abridged recap, I got interested in cooking mostly through watching a few cooking shows on tv, and my mom,. Later as I get older, I watched many of YouTube videos relating to cooking.

Q: What do you like about Binging with Babish?

The best thing about Binging with Babish is that their videos are about making interesting and great recreations of food from famous TV shows, movies, and video games. My favourite one has to be their recreation of foods from Regular Show and Spongebob Squarepants. Or that because I enjoyed those shows when I was a kid and somewhat still is through watching clips of it on YouTube.

Q: What do you think about YouTube?

Good Website with many great videos made by creators that I admired for over the years. Despite has become corporate for over the years, is still one of my go-to websites for finding some neat entertainment beside Newgrounds.

Q: What makes a piece of media good?

If it's entertaining and compelling, that's good.

Q: What was it like playing Club Penguin in 2013?

Well, just a typical membership paywall and such. The first event I held on Club Penguin that I can recall was Operation Hot-Sauce.

Q: How did you get interested in creating art and animations?

I started drawing when I was a child, obviously. But I never took it very seriously until I was 17 years old. Before that, I drew poorly made drawings of crossovers of my favourite cartoons and video games in 2014. By the late 2010s, I mostly posting on DeviantArt like a drawing of Polandballs and a bunch crappy meme edits. But in 2020, I am mostly done using DeviantArt and move on to other sites like Instagram and later here, on Newgrounds. The same goes for my interest in animation.

Q: Why did you join NG?

The reason I tried to find some purpose in life. And that purpose is to make Flash animation for people to enjoy, while also contributing more to the community. Another reason is pretty obvious, either the end of life for Flash that makes me want to play old Flash games from my childhood, or the rising popularity of Friday Night Funkin' in early 2021 when many of Newgrounds animations like Madness Combat and Pico's School got recommended to me on YouTube. And that point, I was hooked and mostly spent my time watching other Newgrounds-related animations from creators like JAZZA, AAron-Long, and JoelG.

Q: Your advice for becoming a better version of yourself

The best advice I could give is to enjoy what you have made and try to accomplish something in your lifetime whether it's big or small, while minimizing the regrets that you have made in the past and the ones that you could have made in the future.

That's all I have to say. Thank you for the interview, Aalesteir.

@earshot - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: How would you describe living from your perspective?

Q1; If you're asking me on how I'm living I can't complain but in terms of life as a whole I would describe living as a sort of dog eat dog world where there are a lot of people that are only out for themselves and nobody really cares about anybody in the world we live in but that's just the way things have always been and will continue to be long after you or I are buried in the ground. I'm not saying there aren't any good people out in the world because there are but just like lucifer they can fall too. I hope I'm not sounding edgy but if I am it can't be helped. we live a lonely existence.

Q: The story of your username: earshot

Q2: The name is after a band I like to listen to but if there is any deeper meaning it's the range or distance over which one can hear or be heard.

Q: How did you discover NG, and why did you join?

Q3: I discovered Newgrounds after watching KaptainKristian video about the website on youtube back in 2017.

I joined because it seemed like more fun over here than any other website i've been on over the years; twitter is for losers, instagram is for morons, youtube is for assholes, reddit is for the feebles, facebook is for old people, patreon is for panhandlers and any other website don't even deserve a mention but Newgrounds is for people to have the freedom to express themselves to show off their talents and ability to create while having fun.

Q: Why do you like to draw?

Q4: I like to draw because it's like a form of meditation and gives me peace in a chaotic world even if I do suck at it.

Q: What do you like about comic books and manga?

Q5: "i think you can do anything with comics that you can do in just about any art form." - Harvey Pekar which is what I 100% agree with and like about comics and manga.

Q: What makes a good movie? And what makes a movie bad in your opinion?

Q6: A good movie is a good story one with heart and soul just watch any Quentin Tarantino movie you can tell he loves what does but there's also technical aspects like weather the script is well written or well directed and well acted. A bad movie is one without these qualities like Steven Seagal's movies.

Q: What does it mean to be a real geek?

Q7: To be knowledgeable in something you're interested in whether it be music or programming.

Q: What is your opinion and what do you think about making graffiti? Why do you think people were confused by your thread Bone Headz

Q8: graffiti is a unique art form that's not for everyone and I think at the time when I made the thread "bone headz" I was hoping to see if there were any other graffiti writers on the site which to no avail. looking back at the thread I cringe because I was such a toy at the time.

Q: What is your opinion of the Newgrounds community?

Q9: The Newgrounds community is pretty chill I'd say very welcoming to all walks of life even if some people can be dicks. sometimes I'll see people ask in the forums about how to get more followers or how they can get front paged to which I say if you're only doing art for clout and money than you're doing it for the wrong reasons you should be making art for yourself and not for others who really gives a shit if you're front paged or not or having the most followers it shouldn't determine your value as a artist or as a person a lot people care about this sort of stuff but I think it's just stupid. To me the only positives you get out of art is clarity like "oh that drawing came out nice" or "I can draw hands better than I did a month ago" progression and trying to get better at whatever it is that you do.

Q: Why were you called the "Magician" in high school?

Q10: Because I could make problems disappear. I'm just joking nobody called me that I wish they did though it would've been cool.

Q: Your advice for surviving life

Q11: No matter what happens in life you keep moving forward.

Q: What’s the story behind the time you were eating in your car outside a fast food joint, enjoying the day, when a drunk homeless woman suddenly dropped her pants and started defecating right beside your vehicle? How do you think that experience has changed your outlook?

Q12: i don't know if it changed my outlook but it definitely changed my appetite at the time.

Q: What have you learned about yourself creating art?

Q13: I am impatient and lazy but stubborn and uniquely devoted to my own beliefs.

@Magnus727 - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: The story of your username: Magnus727

Firstly, my real name is Magnus. My usual username, Magnus77, was already taken so I had to change it – by adding a 2 to it.

If you want to go deeper, I got the 77 way back in 2012 or so when playing World of Warcraft as level 77 in that game unlocked many possibilities back then. As for the 2, I like 727 as a prime number and I frequently woke up at 7:27 some ten years ago. Me being awake at 7:27 is rare nowadays but it’s status as a special time has survived — alongside the similar-looking 17:27 (5:27 PM).

Q: How did you discover the NG website?

By complete accident. It is a long rabbit hole but I will sum it up. I signed up for an achievement tracker for Steam known as AStats in 2017. When that site went down for several weeks on 1 May 2021, I looked for alternatives and found a site named Metagamerscore early on 2 May 2021. On this site I added my Kongregate account for achievement tracking and noticed another web-based platform besides it: Newgrounds!

I did knew Newgrounds existed from my 18 months of almost daily Kongregate badge collection (10 July 2019 to 10 January 2021) but never thought Newgrounds had achievements. At that point I was not one trying new things and nobody on Kongregate confirmed the existence of achievements on Newgrounds. But Newgrounds being included on an achievement site like Metagamerscore confirmed it so I signed up on 2 May 2021 around 10:15 local time, getting my first medal at approximately 10:20 in Chessformer.

Q: What made you decide to join the community?

I joined purely for the achievements. In 2021 I was still very shy so I kept to myself but as I saw the way Kongregate handled the Flash end of life in 2020 (essentially shutting down in all but name), I was very happy to see that this site had survived Flash. The community was still here, games were still being made, achievements still being created etc.

Q: Do you feel differently about the site now compared to when you first joined?

When I joined in 2021, I felt like having missed out on 12 years of Newgrounds medals. Yet now, after 3 years, I am ranked 27th with over 415,000 points. Even though the above is still technically true, I no longer feel like having missed out.

Q: How did you get interested in grounding for achievements?

My interest in achievements began around 2015 and was complete by 2017 where I got a Steam achievement on every single calendar day. It was partly by interest (achievements being goals to reach) and partly by a friend already playing for achievements. It was well established when I signed up here.

Q: What do you think makes a game good?

If it is something serious, that the developer(s) put effort into it — preferably without too many weird references. Size doesn't matter though, a one minute experience can also be good in it’s own right. I can play anything from a game made in one hour to a huge game like World of Warcraft (not that I am equally skilled at them all though).

Q: What is it like living in Denmark?

As Denmark is located 55-56 degrees north, the summers aren’t too hot (at least compared to summer vacations in Italy). The winter nights are quite long, with the sun setting as early as 15:35 (3:35 PM) here. Coming home from school in December, it was pretty much dark already. Sometimes we get snow and even long icicles almost reaching the ground!

As I have Asperger’s/autism (and thus can’t handle many people at once) I would say I am lucky to be here in Denmark – being able to start at a special school at the age of five and a half. Since 29 June 2018, after fifteen years of school, I have been at home. I am an outsider, other people generally make me uncomfortable and I had zero motivation for school etc. anymore. But what sealed it was a depression beginning on 15 October 2018. This is an even longer rabbit hole what I won’t bother you with. Essentially, I had a childhood crush from school for nine years but she ended up with someone else. While devastating for the first three years, by 2022 it was largely countered by playing games. But still, the depression made everything way worse and me leaving the house is thus a rare occurrence — not that I mind it, with the real world seeming pointless to me and my faith in it shattered. Because of these factors, going beyond this about life in Denmark is impossible for me.

Q: Your experiences with the Internet

Very good. Due to mentioned real life difficulties, I feel way more at home on the internet – especially here and on Metagamerscore — where all my problems just disappear. Newgrounds have my thanks as a place to escape to. For this reason I celebrate 2 May like a second birthday.

While we all still have to look out for scams, phishing, trolls etc., sites such as Newgrounds proves that the internet also have good people.

Q: What is your perspective on the value and role of reviews for creative works?

An essential part of it (at least for the games). We as players can point out glitches that the developer(s) might have overlooked. Assuming the reviews are constructive (i.e not 0 star insults), it can often help the developers/creators going forward. Also broken medals might be fixed instead of them being taken down by moderators.

Q: What have you learned about yourself getting achievements?

Most of all that I am patient. I can play for hours – repeating the same stuff over and over — for just one medal if I am 100% sure of getting it eventually. For instance my 29 February medal HERE (the goal is to play 10,000 times).

Q: What are the elements to make an achievement satisfying?

If we are talking about obtaining them then the best ones are those that you just barely can obtain with your skill (or patience) level. Too easy, it is forgettable. Too hard, it is just annoying. One such medal from this year is “Super Pig”.

I also like nicely made icons and medal ID numbers. Recently I found and completed a whole game to get the medal with ID 55555.

Q: What are some food that you like?

I am a vegetarian and picky eater so I prefer it very simple. For instance pasta, McDonald’s fries and fruits/berries. That includes homegrown strawberries, blueberries and apples every summer/autumn, occasionally carrots too. Not to mention all the sweet stuff (chocolate, ice cream, cakes etc.).

@Simoes1000 - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: What did you think about the Internet?

The internet is an amazing place, you can find everything you need. But if you're not careful, it can ruin your mental and emotional health.

Q: How did you start creating art and animations?

I started drawing at school, for school activities. But it was during pademia that I started drawing more often. I started making

 animations last year, for my YouTube channel.

 What inspired me was the cartoons that were on TV, especially from channels like Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. What also inspired me were the classic cartoons, especially those from the 90's.

Q: Your advice for creating art and animation?

If you want to make good quality art and animations, practice a lot, because this will help your skills evolve over time.

Q: Why did you join Newground?

At first, I only wanted to watch adult content, but I stopped because I knew it wasn't good for me. But when I saw that series like Santina and Eddsworld were there, I started to get interested in Newgrounds. I started making art around April and posted animations in May, and when I participated in Picles' collab, I became interested in participating in collabs, both art and animations.

Q: What do you think about the Newground community?

I've never seen more creative and talented artists than ever before. Newgrounds is the best website I've come across.

Q: Your advice for using the Internet

Don't just go to any website, you could catch a virus.

@MaxonClakson - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: Your opinions of Internet?

A1: I really love the internet! Hell I'd love nothing more than to merge my mind the the digital matrix but despite that i feel that the internet has become too gentrified, too clean, too soft, too corporate.. I preferred the internet of old. That Raw untamed infinite web filled with bizarre content, ugly websites and the low quality unknown... I feel that's how the internet should have stayed. A world for the people instead of the polished corporate arm that it's become... Full of it's algorithms and millions upon millions of clones of whatever slop is popular at the time... But i still enjoy the old crevices left by time. The cozy feeling is divine!

Q: The story of your username: MaxonClakson

A2: MaxonClarkson was actually my former friend who used to help with projects... I never asked him why he chose that name. But once he disappeared i took control over the account and kept the name. My name is Actually PurgeAutomaZero which is written on anything I've made.

Q: How did you discover NG, and why did you join?

A3: Now my memory is usually pretty scrambled eggs, fuzzy dreams and distorted memories mixed together... But if i recall me and my old associates thought it would be a good place to share our work... At the time this was a Game called Sewerside. But once i got there i fell for it's old web appeal and raw internet presence. It felt like it was a perfect place for me to belong!

Q: What do you like about art, 3D animation? And why do you like action?

A4: Well ever since i was a little meat sack i enjoyed creating interesting and weird world and arts, I enjoyed machines, monsters and all strange things... And i still do, probably differently to how i did then. And action always appealed to me! The fast overwhelming pace! The grand destruction! Such joyus! I also have quite a enjoyment of the blood and guts aesthetic. As for 3D work... I obviously started as a 2D artist as anyone does... But recently i moved towards 3D... As it seemed easier for someone of my skillset and is far more dynamic than basic 2D pictures. Each day i grow more powerful in 3D. It's amazing.

Q: What are the stories you would like to create for your games?

A5: As i always have! I have a penchant for more adult themes... Things that are definitely missing in the adult animation scene! But i adore the dystopian scene... My world would be one full of cyborgs and biomachines... Meat fused with metal... But not just for nothing! Each little detail is planned... Or at least considered... And the connection between characters is of most importance... A single boring character can destroy a grand Odyssey. Each must be formed well... With hates, desires, goals, strengths, weaknesses and so on. It is vital.

Q: What makes a good tutorial, and what other tutorials would you recommend?

A6: Well a good Tutorial must be informative! And on topic... Not too fast... Not too slow... And simple! I've never been one to obsess over tutorials and I'll usual work out my own way... But that's what I'd say are the most important parts of a tutorial.

Q: How did you get awarded for best dancer in high school two years in a row?

A7: By dancing very well... Dancing until i almost died. The second year the sole of my shoes disintegrated... This is no joke... They were destroyed. I suppose that's what i get for wearing 3 dollar shoes. I feel many people are too shy to show their true selves... Scared to be disgusting. But it is the disgusting and ugly i enjoy most. Embrace it and you'll feel true freedom.

Q: Is the community on the site good?

A8: From the small amount of interaction I've had... Yes, The community is very kind and loving. I enjoy their presence and it's an Oasis in a harsh and hostile world. Hopefully after this, I'll get to interact with more outstanding specimens on the site! I'd be gleeful to meet them all!

Q: What makes a story good? How do you define depth and complexity in stories? What are interesting characters, and what makes them interesting? Your advice for storytellers

A9/10: Great Stories need to remember three things... 3D characters.... Characters that are not flat but have lives... Characters that exist and could exist outside of the story... It's the characters that carry a story... And how they interact with others and the world around them like a real life would. Secondly, Theme... Make the rules of your word... And never break these rules... Bend them.. yes.. but break them never... Stories with broken rules are uninteresting. Remember what world you have made... Remember what characters can do and how they can do it... Making big changes to the world to fit the story is horrid. The story should always fit around the characters and the world. And Thirdly... Balance. A story needs to be interesting... If you put some action to a slow scene you will entrance the audience... But piling action upon action will make it less notable. This example can be used for anything in the story. But if you go the route for shock.... Remember each time it happens it must be different... Monotony will cause disinterest... Remember each time to move forward to outdo your former self. More action than before, more gore, more shock, more disgust! And the main think to remember is to break the rules of others to make your own. Don't be afraid to make something abstract... Shocking... Disgusting... Or jarring. It's the ugliest of art that holds the truest beauty! But only if it has passion too it. Abstract art made without soul is mere slop and the viewers will know slop from beauty. And well that's all i have to say.

@S3C - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: Describe your life?

Don't have much of one. I wrote at the dawn of this decade that the 2010s were a lost decade.. Well we are nearing halfway point of the 2020s and I guess I was in for a rude awakening. Not because of COVID or any traumatic events ( there are a few moderate ones and several minor ones that build up like Chinese water torture) but in the sense that most creative pursuits have become a chore for me and I've been on the same uneventful routine for the past five years. I work a lot because I enjoy my job but partially because I don't have much better to do. I'm kinda old, single, no kids and all my good friends don't live on this continent. I essentially live in a boarding house with minimal interaction with my roommates and I try to be there little as possible. Family is hours away. I don't do anything interesting on the weekends. I think most people in my shoes would lose their minds, but I'm not trying to portray this as too much of a woe is me pity party. I've adopted a philosophy of all I need is good health and everything else is a bonus.

Q: What do you think about yourself, and why do you believe you think the way you do?

An uncomfortable question. The notion of 'one has to love thyself' makes me cringe. I'm an indifferent vessel in this f*cked up world. So my thoughts about myself: I'm neutral. I think this way due to chemical interactions and past experiences, just like everyone else. I've grown further apart in wavelength with my family as I've grown older, and I think that plays a big part in that.

To end this question on a positive note though, I'll pat myself for being above average or at least satisfactory enough in the departments of creativity, dedication, and humor. That's my belief based on experience. I hope people find my poasts at least as funny as I do. If I didn't find them funny myself I wouldn't post them.

Q: What are activities and subjects you like, although you rarely talk about?

I can give you several more interesting topics: but the honest most answer is basketball. Namely NBA basketball. I'm pretty much an encyclopedia. Most of my friends are not interested in sports though. And there's probably better things we can talk about. Thing is this interest doesn't suit me at all, I'm a small unathletic dude that rocks a desk job. I'm pretty bad at it although I guess I was okay in my youth. I was team manager for a basketball team once and I was so out of place physically and personality wise.

Q: What are some obscure facts about you?

I don't think I have enough clout to warrant possession of obscure facts. I guess I'll say what comes to mind at the moment. I'm a sensitive guy who cares about what other people think. Not so much what they think about me or from an ego point of view, but that I don't intend hard feelings and want to help people reach their desired destinations. If I've rubbed someone the wrong way or people have questions feel free to stop by my page or shoot a PM. I fancy myself as an educator- and I think largely the education system as I've experienced is backwards. I understand people have different learning styles. But it seems the whole fire-hose lecture for an hour and students rush to take notes is not the optimal use of both the pupil and instructor's time. The pupil can read a powerpoint on their own, don't need to see a professional for that. What I find more valuable is coming to a session to share what they've learned, prepare good questions to pose to the instructor and fostering group discussion. I'm big on probing people with guiding questions and exercises. I'm big on people thinking of brainstorming questions they can ask me or in general. I push people to look at things a little more philosophically. It does take a little more effort, introspection, and doing the 'reading' part of homework in earnest- and some don't like that, which I get. I have on my NewGrounds profile 'Bureaucrat / Wannabe NG Motivational Speaker' which is stated for humor's sake- bureaucrat is entirely ironic but the motivational speaker part really isn't. I'm autotelic in most things I do.

Q: What are some misconceptions you feel people have about the BSS?

I've never really thought about that. I guess one misconception that may be common regards the now locked politics forum. While I agree this place is better off sealed...despite all the heated discussions there, I imagine the regulars would kick it with each other hours and pop some beers together or something, conflicting viewpoints and all.

Q: How did you get interested in basketball? Is it primarily NBA? And why? What was your experience being a team manager for the basketball team, and why did you feel out of place physically and personality-wise?

I was very young and I think it was my first real interest. Basketball is a fast paced high scoring team game that arguably requires the most finesse out of the major sports. I always wanted to be a professional basketball player more than anything but reality started to fade as I entered puberty. I still maintain my fantasies and head cannons though. It's primarily the NBA because that's the premier league and where I started following. I'm interested in the WNBA and international leagues too though. The basketball manager role was a good experience. We had one of the worst records but it was still fun to cheer them on and help with video/stats/practices. As I mentioned I'm a small unathletic guy- basketball players tend to be tall and toned. There's a certain personality that athletes carry, not necessarily a more macho or confident quality, it's hard to describe. It's different than engineering and artsy types. So I felt out of place but we all got along of course.

Q: How do you feel the Internet has impacted your life?

You might as well ask me how air or water has impacted my life...

Not in the sense that the internet is an essential need, but that it has become ubiquitous. I might as well be a cyborg in a digital fantasy at this point.

So: the internet is great, it has everything, which is equally awesome, overwhelming, and despondent. I am not saying things were better, but I miss the days of going to a book store or the magazine section to find the cheat codes for a video game, sending physical letters, going to the library for a book, renting a video or being surprised what would come on next on the radio or television. You had to work harder for things, and there were more specialized roles and skills because everything wasn't instantly available. Largely, it was easier to find self-worth in the world. I kind of feel bad for those that haven't experienced a society that isn't intertwined with the internet...I think AI's going to bring the same kind of paradigm shift in a few years. It'll bring us to new exciting new places, but will force a lot of traditional and wholesome activities into obsolescence.    

Q: The story of your profile picture

It's a character from the movie Encanto. Can't remember his name. I've had some variant of this profile picture for over two years now. I guess I chose it because I want to impart some goofy brown uncle type energy on the BBS.

Q: What are the biggest mental health struggles for men from your perspective, and how do you think they could overcome them?

That's way to broad of question for me to respectfully and empathetically answer so I won't postulate anything unless we narrow down the domain here. Out of the mental health struggles I have, none of them really are unique to being a male. People are people, I like having a penis and balls but I don't really think about traditional general roles or feel beholden to be 'macho' or a 'provider' or 'stoic'. If I did, I probably wouldn't be dodging this question.   

Q: Have you always been a sensitive person who cares about what others think?

I don't think so. I've grown more sensitive with age and am a little more careful when I post. This also means apologizing more if I feel I have crossed the line.

Q: Why do you see yourself as an educator?

I think my answer in the starter questions covers this. But I've always enjoyed teaching and watching people grow. I think it gives me an excuse to spread my philosophies. As someone who isn't particularly smart, I think this gives the footing to empathize well with people of diverse learning styles. It's a discovery to find out where an individual's hangups lie, and it's fun to watch people struggle- not being sadistic here, it's just their brain lifting weights. Moreover being able to describe a subject to others enriches our own understanding of the subject. So if I like playing guitar for example, of course I'm gonna be happy to impart any wisdom to others and learn more about guitar myself along the way. 

Q: Why is the bureaucrat part entirely ironic, but the motivational speaker part is not?

In jest, I have had self-deprecating titles in my blurb for a while now. Previous one was talentless hack or something. I dislike bureaucracy because I believe it constipates productivity, hampers creativity, discourages thinking outside of the box, and limits people who want to work the extra mile or bend the rules a bit from getting stuff done. As for the motivational speaker part, don't you find that one would declaring to be a motivational speaker on a Pennsylvanian animation website kinda silly? It's one of the things I'm equally sincere and silly about and as time has moved I more and more like the ring to it.

Q: Why do you think the politics forum is better off sealed? Why do you imagine the regulars would hang out and share some beers together while discussing conflicting viewpoints?

Probably because it was attracting drama at an inappropriate place (NewGrounds is site for making good content, not gossiping. Gossip is largely what those that discuss 'politics' do). Tom & staff have better things to focus on. Since general and politics was closed it seems like the other forums related to NewGrounds domain matter are more lively and active, but maybe that's just me. And it's not like we can't socialize in the 'lounge' topics, the supporter party, or userpages. If you want to make a difference in people's lives or meaningfully discuss political policy, go to a local town meeting or volunteer or something. Change starts from the ground up, not by arguing about what goes on in Washington on an internet forum. 

And I meant the politics regulars would share beers DESPITE having conflicting views, not that they would discuss such controversial matters over alcohol. I'd hope not!

Q: Your experience with making music

if I was an artist I'd paint, if I was a writer I'd rate, but I'm a musician by heart so I made music to reach the almighty...

I guess this Miles Davis quote sums it up nicely:

If I can’t hear my tone, I can’t play. If I can’t play, then I won’t get paid. If I don’t get paid, then I lose the house, you know?

It’s like a chain reaction. If I lose my tone, I can’t fuck, can’t make love, can’t do nothin’. I’ll just walk into the ocean and die, if I lose my tone.

Q: Your advice for life

Everyone has a scientific, athletic, spiritual, and poetic side, we all need to continually nourish these facets of our being. Be consistent with our hobbies. We should aim to compress the window where we are growing old to die, live an inconsequential existence, to spend our last moments hypnotized by daytime TV. Don't be afraid to be audacious and adventurous. Treat everything with sincerity, cherish each moment for within a moment it will all be gone. We all have different circumstances and talents, but one thing that each individual can guarantee and doesn't cost resources is honesty and hard work.

@jinglejamjenkins - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: How would you describe your life? What is it like being in the rocky mountains? How do you feel about being 88, you must have seen a lot of changes

A: My life? Oh god it's been a living hell! I'm not from the rocky mountains, I'm not from anywhere! It's a huge issue! So much baggage. Mom and dad met in the navy, grew up on opposite sides of the states, tossed me back and forth and, both of 'em went nuts! Mom went through all the drugs to fix her brain and it turned her into a vegetable. Dad drank himself to death, he died less then a week ago! I'm 34, and I'm gettin' the heck outta this town after I sell this house and I don't know where I'm goin'!

Eh, It's not all been bad. I've lived many experiences and have the brain to appreciate 'em.

Q: Why did you have the occupation of loser?

A: I didn't choose this life. It chose me. I'm the chosen one.

Q: How to describe your experiences with World of Warcraft? And how did you decide on playing it in MS paint?

A: oh! ya gotta look good, and ya gotta play good. ya gotta-ya gotta, ya gotta get all the things and push the buttons right. MS paint is good for figuring that out.

Q: How did you discover and why did you join NG?

A: I think a friend turned me onto it. This is my favorite website. Flash games back in the day and 'naughty' animations. I really like it nowadays more then I did back in the day. I LOVE ART! Sooo many artists.

Q: The origin of your name: jinglejamjenkins

A: impromptu alliteration. "YOU NEED A USER NAME!"

Q: What do you like about art? What makes interesting art in your opinion?

A: ooo, that's a big one. . . Fantasy. Mostly. I mean, something can be abstract and still be good. Invoking thought and emotion...or , some such. I dunno, if it makes my brain tingle , I like it. I like brain tingles.

Q: What is good music?

A: most of the music I like has "relistenability". So it can't be blunt with its message, it needs to be abstract. Like , vague or metaphorical. When it comes to lyrics at least. I like allot of songs without lyrics. Something cool to play while I'm kicking ass in a video game! Dancing! Gets ya groovin'! *snaps fingers* bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. FEEL THE BEAT! or like...hmm... similar to art, ya know, emotions and thoughts and w/e. brain tingles

Q: Why do you like to sing?

A: Holy wah, umm... It's satisfying. Primordial. Progression of self. It's a fun challenge. Soothing. Therapeutic. The vibrations make me feel good.

Q: What are your experiences with swimming?

A: I'm a water baby! I can float! So I can swim endlessly! Much like singing, it's in my DNA. I am myself. I like me.

Oh! I tried swimming across the Colorado river once in the middle of the night naked. I turned back, then I got laid!

Q: What is Freedom of motion? What do you like about it?

A: I love dreamin'. Nothin' holdin' ya back except the limits of your mind.

Q: Why do you do funny voices and talk to your Kitty? What voices do you do?

A: kitty is a bit dim, but she's still kitty. A living creature much as I, full of emotions and thoughts. I talk to her. We talk. She says "meow" and then I say something, then I say something (usually multiple times). She understands some words but some get lost... The sounds, she hears the sounds. I'm just letting her know she's loved.

Q: How did you learn to do the Cardassian neck trick?

A: I was a little kid just messin' around with muhself. You flex your mouth then you get the flaps kinda like a lizard or somethin'.

Q: How would you describe the BBS! And no not the Brazilian Butt Slap. Bulletin Board System.

A: buhhh, again, havn't looked at it. Hmmm... *another google search* oh, so, the forums! Uh, I ...post in the supporter party occasionally to interact with uh my fellow newgrounders. Much like the kitty saying "meow" she says, "I am here" and then I say "I am also here, we are here together"

Q: Your advice for being happy

A: yeah! Do the thing!

Okay, what did I win?



@EggDef - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: How would you describe your personality?

Oh boy, here we go.

How would I describe my personality? If you would have asked me 4 years ago I would have said either it was dog shit or that it didn’t exist. Now, though, I’d say I’m just an average guy. I’m a bit quiet usually, but I can get real rowdy and loud if I’m comfortable around you. I can be a bit dark and you’ll learn that quickly because of the way I speak and joke around, however despite that I’d say I’ve been becoming more and more of an optimist as the years go on. I can see the humor in a lot of things and I’m always looking to have a good time. I’m very lazy and unmotivated most of the time, I think that’s an important thing to mention about myself. They are both things I need to/have been working on. If I had to sum my personality in the words as of today, I’d penalty day dark and lazy, but fun.

Q: How do you feel that being in a vehicle crash at 6 years old, in which the van rolled 7-8 times, has affected you? Also, how does the medium-sized scar at the base of your pinky, from a large piece of glass cutting into it, shape your view of the world and yourself?

The van flipping was definitely something else. I’d never had something like that hasten to me up to that point. It all happened too fast for me to be scared at the time, I was honestly just confused. I also didn’t go through too much pain at the time despite the glass in my hands and face, probably due to adrenaline. They pulled me out the back of the van and I just sort of laid there and tried to comprehend what just happened. As I grew older I started to think it was kind of a cool experience to have. It most certainly wasn’t cool for some of my family in the van, but for me it sort of became just a fun thing to bring up in classes or to new friends. “Has anything interesting ever happened to you?” “Well I was in a van that rolled 8 times.” “Jesus Christ!” Lmao. The scar is cool. It’s medium in size going from the base of my pinky to about half way up and it’s jagged. I’ve always thought of it as a little something to make me unique. Again, when I was a kid I saw it as something to show off. Although nowadays when I look at it it mostly reminds me of how fragile things really are and how I should consider myself luck to wake you everyday. Anyone in that van could have died, one came very close in fact, but we all pulled through and that’s really something in my opinion. Luckily it never made me scared of driving. I actually became more scared of being in a vehicle when I started driving at 16 than I ever was from the accident. I don’t like not being in control of the vehicle I’m in.

- Sexual Abuse

I have a fucked up sense of sexuality that I struggled heavily with up until a few years ago. The reason for this is because of two specific people who molested me at young ages. When I was younger my grandmother owned a daycare/child learning center that hosted babies-5th graders. When I was about 5 years old one of the 5th grade girls took an interest in me and would get me to finger her all the time in hidden places on the playground. Then when I was in 4th grade, a much larger 7th grade boy I became friends with because we rode the same bus turned things very sexual very quickly and I just went with it because I still didn’t understand what was going on at that age and I was used to that kind of “friendship” at that point.

Q: How do you feel being sexual abused has affected? You how did you make process the trauma, and what would be your advice for people who been molested?

For a long, long time I didn’t even consider myself to be a victim of sexual abuse. I’d hear people talk about it in movies, or I’d have people tell me about the times they went through it and I never felt like I could relate. They all hated it and didn’t want it to happen to them, and that’s not exactly how I felt about my situations so I never connected the dots. I was always excited about being abused. I saw it as a little secret I could participate in. Just a little something for only me to know. However while talking about the topic while absolutely stoned out of my mind one night I realized how fucked the whole situation was and why I felt that way. The girl who molested me in the child learning center my grandma owned wrapped my mind in a way. I was awoken to something I shouldn’t have even known about at such a young age and it really wasn’t healthy. I became a hypersexual being. From ages 6-18 I was an absolute deviant. All I wanted at all times was sexual interaction. Not even sexual satisfaction, because I never got that from my interactions. I just wanted to be in sexual situations at all times. It led me to doing things I’m ashamed of and to doing things I would never do today. I’m a straight man, and I know that for a fact because I’m had gay interactions in my childhood that I didn’t enjoy, but I craved the sexual touch so much I would participate in gay actions that I didn’t even enjoy. As someone who has been addicted to certain drugs, sexual interaction was sort of like my first drug. Having friends, both male and female, was hard for me because all I could think about when hanging out with them one on one was how I could get them out of their pants. Once I came to the realization that I was being molested by multiple people throughout my childhood, I became a bit angry. A lot of bad things from my childhood could have been avoided completely if it wasn’t for that girl. In fact, the two things I regret most in life never would have happened. After coming to the realization, I continued to struggle with my sexual problems for a few years and wasted a lot of time and money on prostitutes. At 19 I got my first real girlfriend and the two of us were sex machines. Just constant, multiple times a night. Eventually I guess I just finally worked that sex obsession out of my system. It naturally happened over the course of a year but by having constant access to sexual touch I finally realized it’s not all that important. I’ve sexually calmed down quite a bit since then and am much more comfortable now. All that being said, I hold no ill-will towards the girl that started it all. She was only in the 5th grade so I can’t help but come to the conclusion that she was being molested or raped herself. She was most likely getting it a lot worse than me too. If anything I feel bad for her and I hope she’s managed to cope as she’s grown.

- College

I put college dropout as my education on my account, but I don’t often talk about why I dropped out. I got really sick towards the end of my first semester and missed a week and a half of class. I think it was covid before covid became a big thing and was just starting up. I was running a fever and puking constantly for a full week, and then just running a fever for another half a week. It was rough. But my two most important classes had rules that dropped your grade by 10% everyday you missed after your third absence. So by the time I got better my grades were too far gone for those classes. Well, I was already frustrated with those classes because I felt like I wasn’t actually learning anything so I just decided to drop out instead of spending more time and money retaking them. I was going to college to learn animation.

Q: What was it like being at college? What were the problems with the college where you feel you didn't learn anything?

College was awesome. It might have been the best time period in my life. I got my first real taste of proper independence and it was incredible. I loved living on campus. That was probably the biggest thing for me. Moving away from home and being alone in my dorm was great. My dorm was also directly above a sushi bar! I loved walking around campus and exploring the buildings. Campus was just so cool. I miss the food court as well. Towards the end of my stay in college I would wake up at 5pm and then go get breakfast from the food court at 8am before going to bed. The did was really good and that little trip to the food court became the highlight of my day for a while. I also had a proper group to play D&D with for the first time. That was a great time.

As far as my problems with my classes go, I didn’t feel like I was learning anything. Specifically my two most important classes, Art and Design. They were both three hour classes where we would walk in and the teacher would just say, “ok now draw.” That was it. No tips, no lesson, we just drew by ourselves for three hours. It was lame man.

Q: Why did you want to learn animation?

Ive always been fascinated in animation. I think it’s a very impressive thing to be good at. I already like drawing random shit, so I feel it’s only natural I’d have a want to bring said random shit to life. I think animation is one of the greatest forms of creative expression, but I’ve always been too lazy to learn its fundamentals. I was hoping that by paying for it and taking proper classes I’d finally get over that hurdle. After college I didn’t completely give up on animation. I just recently put out my first real, finished animated project recently on this very site. I’m still too lazy to learn the correct way, but I’ve started brute forcing myself into improving same as I do with drawing.

Q: Your experience with drugs, what advice would you give to people dealing with substance use?

When it comes to drugs, it’s simple. Do your drugs and have your fun. Just stay away from the stuff that actively kills you. My advice for drug users would be to limit yourself and be aware of everything you’re taking. I fucked myself up incredibly bad by trying to push my limits when it came to drugs and by not paying attention to the amounts I was taking. I’m not going to tell you to not do drugs, just please be careful.

Q: What do you like about creating art, and what are the elements that make it interesting to you? What do you think art represents?

I think art represents the parts of us that make us human. I don’t know if I believe in a soul, but when I look at a person’s artistic creations I can see why a lot of people do. Personally, I don’t put a lot of thought into my artistic endeavors. I just draw whatever I think will look interesting. It’s truly as simple as that. But even when someone like me makes art, you can see a deep piece of them. A piece they can’t normally show. And I think that’s incredible. I also think creating art can be insanely satisfying. Seeing your finished work after working hard on it for hours feels great. And looking back at your old art and seeing how much you’ve improved is unlike any other feeling.

Q: What games do you like? What do you like to see in games, and what makes a game good?

A game is good if you like it. That’s it. There are games that I think are awful and I would never play that my friends really enjoy, and even though I personally think they are terrible I know they must be good in some way because my friends just absolutely love them. I think games can be both good and bad at the same time, it ask depends on the person playing them. A prime example of this: Falllout 4. Fallout 4 is one of my favorite games of all time. I have 500 hours in it as of writing this. A lot of people think Fallout 4 is one of the worst games ever made, and when they explain why I think they have valid points. That doesn’t stop it from being a fantastic game to me though. Other great games I play would be Terraria, Red Dead Redemption 2, Persona 3 and 5, and Minecraft. For some games I look for the ability to express yourself. Other games I look for a good story and characters. And sometimes a game is good because it just feels great to play. I think there are many aspects that can easily make or break a game.

Q: Where does your interest in missing persons, unsolved mysteries, and murders come from? What elements deeply fascinate you about these topics?

I honestly couldn’t tell you why I’m so into missing persons. The idea of a person just up and disappearing is so wild. Like I think it’s insane that not only does this happen, but it’s happening constantly. That’s just not a thing that should exist and yet it does. The mystery behind these cases can also be extremely gripping. I guess my fascination with murder comes down to two things: bloody details and psyche. I know it’s fucked up to say this, but I enjoy hearing all the bloody details of horrific events. I like being disturbed and disgusted and upset by them. There’s also the case of a murderer’s psyche. What makes them tick and why do they do the things they do? It’s just really interesting finding out why they are the way they are.

Q: A story of how you create it you account on 6/30/20, and what was your reason for joining? How did you choose the name: @EggDef what do you like about eggs?

I’ve been using Newgrounds since 2008 when I was 7 years old. I found it looking for sexy dress up games where you can strip the characters and ended up just really liking everything else the site had to offer. I think I made my first account when I was around 9. Somehow I was never banned for being underaged and I became an active member of the website. Eventually I left that account for a new one because so much of my post history was embarrassing. Since then I’ve gone through probably 5 different accounts. Constant rebranding and attempting to separate myself from the things I said in the past. I made this account in 2020 to migrate to, but for the first time it wasn’t out of embarrassment. I just really wanted a different username because I grew to dislike the one I used. Couldn’t afford to become a supporter and change it that way. But despite the constantly changing name, I’ve basically always been here. I did take a 2 year break from the site from 2022 to the beginning of this year, but goddammit I just couldn’t help but come crawling back.

My love of eggs actually has nothing to do with my name, although I am a big fan of them. Particularly scrambled eggs with cheese and a mine bit of ketchup. The name actually comes from my nickname my friends call me, which is Egg. They call me that because my real name sort of sounds like the words egg sandwich when you say it a certain way. I just added Def to the end to spice it up I guess. The Def doesn’t actually mean anything.

Q: How do you feel about the General Forums being shut down? You mentioned that General was the greatest part of the website. What are the elements that you liked about it?

It was very upsetting coming back to the site and finding the general forums being discontinued. It genuinely was my favorite part of the website for a long time. I don’t socialize much in my personal life, so coming in here to talk and shitpost was/is important to me. Supporter party is basically the same thing as general, so it’s been ok for the most part and I’ve been able to get over losing my beloved forum, but I can’t always afford to be a supporter so there’s a chance I’ll go crazy one of these days when I lose access to supporter party. Overall I just really enjoyed the casual chitchat we had going in general.

Q: What do you think about gambling?

I think gambling is badass! It’s a healthy habit to develop and everyone should try it out at least once. Except for slots. Slots fucking suck. I’m decent at blackjack and Texas holdem, but my problem is I don’t know when to cash out.

Q: What do you like about creating animations?

I like the idea of animating more than the actual process of doing it. Bringing your idea to life in motion is so cool, but god is it boring and hard. And like I said at the very beginning of this interview I am a lazy person. I almost went insane making my Castle Crashers video and it’s literally only 7 seconds long.

Q: What is it like to use the BBS? What are the BBS about, and what is your advice for the BBS?

The BBS is great. I’m glad they never removed it from the site. I thought they would have by now. I like the community this site has cultivated and I like being able to socialize in some way shape or form.

Q: Your advice for being a person

My advice for being a person is to try your hardest to treat people well. I used to be an angry little shit. I was mean to people and I hated everybody. I’m telling you, one you start being nice and enjoying people for what they are instead of harshly judging life truly gets better. I’d also like to say not to be too hard on yourself. I know shit is rough, and I know it can be hard to be satisfied with who you are and where you’re going in life. But it’s not worth the mental toll to beat yourself up. I’ve been through it. I was horribly depressed and suicidal for a lot of my life. You have to learn that you can’t control some things and that you aren’t to blame for every little shitty thing that happens. Be kind to yourself.