@ShangXian - @Aalasteir (Q) - Index

Q: What is the Internet about? Your experiences with the Internet

My experience with the Internet is mostly overwhelming positive because after I could finally access it (I had my first PC when I was 8 but I could finally use Internet only in 2005-06 during my high school period) a world, or better worlds opened to me. Ofc knowing English helped me a lot and helped me to make friends (that's a reason why this language has a special place in my heart). With Internet I gained more knowledge, I could meet people from across the world, I could see and interact with different cultures, I could improve my English, and overall I enriched my life.

I think the reason it was positive as experience (and still is) it's because I can avoid conflicts with people who ask for them even if I was involved in some drama caused by a manipulative, narcissistic person met on DA that caused my friends and I some annoying problems. Hopefully it was solved in the best way possibles: cutting ties with them. Now my friends and I are more than happy.

I hate conflicts and I can sense when something potentially bad can happen, this is why I could experience the best even in a site like DA which is known for being full of drama.

Internet is a tool that must be experienced with awareness and this might be achieved with a good internet education in schools, and a informed family about risks you can find there.

I will never forget the feeling I experienced when I was 8 and I saw Internet icon on my PC: that world icon was a window to a world I could never open or reach because at that time my family couldn't afford it. I had goosebumps looking at that icon. It was a forbidden world I could only dream about. A window, that once opened, would allow me to see the real world outside my small rural world.

Now Internet is part of my soul and helped me to cope with difficult, sometimes extremely difficult stuff, in real life. Without it, but most importantly without the amazing friends I made thanks to it, I would have collapsed. Thank you!

Q: The story of your username: ShangXian

My username is a fusion between my love for Vajrayana Buddhism (I practiced it and I still study it, I will probably return practicing it since it gave me a lot especially in tough times) and the name of one of my OCs, a female microraptor. Let's answer the easiest part: if you write Xian in Chinese the character means "soar" and it fits perfectly for a dinosaur that evolved flight and its associated features (fused sternum, alula, etc.) independently of the ancestors of birds:

https://digitallibrary.amnh.org/server/api/core/bitstreams/1aecf683-c43c-4c5b-a657-25e1c7dc37b5/content

https://www.cell.com/action/showPdf?pii=S0960-9822%2820%2930999-4

https://peerj.com/articles/7247.pdf

Her name in my username is a way to express my love for Jehol Biota of Jiufotang Formation of dinosaurs you find in China, and Microraptor is my favourite dinosaur. Originally it was the Tyrannosaurus rex, but after discovering this small, crow-sized, black iridescent-coloured dinosaur my love shifted to paravian dinosaurs of China.

Now the difficult part because I need to give a bit of context in order to better understand why I chose "Shang".

The first part of the username is a reference to an important figure of Tibetan Medical Tradition, lineage and texts. The full name is Shanglon Dorje Dudul. He is often included in the Mahakala category of protector deities, is the special protector for the Yutog Nyingtig Cycle of Terma (revealed treasure). The main deity of the cycle is Hayagriva with consort. I know these names say nothing to those who don't know much about the esoteric branch of Mahayana Buddhism developed in Tibet. The two Yutogs, known as father and son, are regarded as the founders of Tibetan Medicine. It is also speculated that the first of the two famous Yutog physicians is a creation of Desi Sanggye Gyatso in the 17th century who popularized in art Shanglon because we don't find images of him prior the 17th century. Both traditions of Shanglon, and the Yutog Nyingtig are descended from the terma of Draba Ngonshe - responsible for the discovery of the Four Medical Tantras in the 11th century. 

Shanglon can be counted as a form of Mahakala and Mahakala is an important protector of Dharma and is commonly regarded as the emanation of different beings in different cases, such as Hevajra, Vajradhara, Amitabha, and Avalokiteshvara or Akshobhya Buddha. He is a wrathful protector and in Vajrayana wrathful beings help transforming mental afflictions (kleśās) into wisdoms by using those negative mental poisons in a way similar to the concept of fighting fire with fire. Because one of my flaws is wrath, this name has a dual meaning for me: fighting it, being reminded to always fight it in a constructive way and my love for Medicine (I plan to study Medicine in future) since Shanglon is linked to the Tibetan Medicine.

Q: How did you discover the NG website? What made you decide to join the community? Do you feel differently about the site now compared to when you first joined?

I originally discovered it via games I used to play back in 2006 between study breaks. Wiesi's games were the first I discovered and loved to death. I also discovered the first game made by Tom Fulp I ever played was Samurai Asshole, I love it very much! I mainly associated NG with flash games and movies, if I only knew how cool and awesome this site is I would join it ages ago. Now I associate Newgrounds with creativity and user-content generated stuff. What made me decide to join the community was the alternative to AI stuff that was promoted on Deviantart. I was searching for a different place. I joined Furaffinity for the same reason, they don't accept AI stuff but the site didn't appeal me that much unlike NG that is what I want from a site aimed at art (whether it's a videogame, a movie, visual art or music). Newgrounds is everything that DA lacks and it's a shame because I discovered DA in 2006 but I joined in 2014 and stayed until November 2022. Most of my online friends were met there and I am still in touch with them.

I do feel differently about the site. As I mentioned above it became from "a collection of edgy but funny and violent flash games and movies" to "a place where you can express yourself and have to put effort even in the smallest creation". And this feeling evolved throughout the months I decided to become active. I will explain a bit more in depth when I will write a blog about my experience after a year I joined the site because I also want to express my opinion if I would recommend the site or not (spoiler: yes BUT under some specific conditions).

Q: Why do you like to draw birds? How did you get interested in art?

I love drawing many subjects and I like to vary it (stylistically and thematically) but birds have a special place, because I love animals (minus ticks, mosquitoes and chimps). Birds are among my favourite reptiles (I'm using the phylogenetic classification that groups each clade only by their ancestry, and characteristics are only used to discover the ancestry. I abandoned Linnean classification after Evolutionary Zoology course) because I love their intelligence, overall look, different behavioural patterns and calls (I sometimes like to "troll" birds of my area with calls of birds from different continents and notice their behavioural change). Feathers can be a pain in the ass when colouring but the final product pays off if you are patient enough.

My interest in art started when I learned to grab a pencil and draw. I was 4 years old when I drew my first subjects (animals, both real life animals and fantasy animals, notably dragons). Art is a way to channel my emotions both positive and negative, but since I'm on Newgrounds art is also a tool to study my skills, to see myself under a different perspective through other people's reviews and comments. Art is a way to nourish my mind, soul and heart. I couldn't live without it.

Q: Why do you love writing in-depth reviews? On average, you tend to spend about an hour and 15 minutes writing a review.

This stems from my tendency to take very seriously relationships and interactions with others. I know I tend to write tl;dr type of reviews but because the people who made works that enriched my mind and daily experience of my life I want to give parts of myself by writing detailed reviews on the aspects that struck me the most. I have two approach when writing a review:

1) sandwich technique review

2) in-depth review

In the first case I highlight what I loved, emphasizing each part that I loved (especially if it's an art piece because I know the lingo around it), then I talk about things that I think deserve improvement by giving suggestions and most of all resources in order to be more effective in helping others. After this I conclude my review with a positive last comment because I want to help but also to support and motivate the person to pursue what he/she likes. This type of review is used for people willing to listen to the critique so I take time to see if the person I mature enough to accept them.

In the case of an in-depth review I share everything that the work evokes to me whether it's a sensory activation (in my recent audio review I experienced a sensory activation while listening to the song) or cultural elements and I like to connect them with those I know. These types of reviews are mostly used for games (for example when I reviewed the Pico-Cross collab 2023 and Coming Out simulator game) and videos (I have yet to review Field of Rapes I discovered thanks to Takeover Tuesday), it can be applied to artworks and music as well.

The core of both types of reviews is my will to help, support and share my limited knowledge I acquired during these years.

The reason I take so much time to write them is that because I need to re-experience the work over and over to fully see it in each aspect that I could see and if I need academic sources to give substance to my claim I have to find them via Google School and verify the journal reliability via the Scientific Journal Ranking website along with abstract and citation database. And this takes me time because I have to read the study and cite it the proper way when linking to the review. For me the works I review are experiences to live, not products to use.

My motto is: either things get done or not at all. I apply this to everything I do and sometimes it can be draining from a mental energy point of view but that's the way I am^^

Q: What makes a good review?

Nice question, it's a really subjective answer because each person has different life experiences that shaped their view of "what is a good review". But let's get straight to the point: for me a good review is a review aimed at helping others, it doesn't mean it has to be long like the ones I do. I've read some cool, short reviews that pointed out in a simple but effective way elements of a work I didn't immediately noticed. By helping others I mean both helping them to see their own creation under a different light and giving them tools to improve or simply maieutically (formulate latent concepts through a dialectic or logical sequence of questions) guide them through the process of seeing flaws and parts to improve.

Q: Your advice for art

First: have fun! Seriously doing something just because it's popular, as way to compare your work with other people's works or to appease people who follow you it's the first step to frustration and maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Second: abandon the image your mind built on your "ego" because the more you are attached to your "ego" the more hurting it will be when people will critique or criticize (those two verbs have different semantic nuances) your works. If you are open to accept constructive criticism but also to move on when someone acts in a negative way to your work, your artistic experience will improve a lot. Plus you can always report the review if it's not helpful at all, rules speak clear.

Q: What various pieces of media do you enjoy, and why do you think you like them?

I love internet and more specifically YT for videos, NG for overall fun, and photography to enjoy nature and animals and acquire new skills. But if by piece of media you mean on an artistic level in that case I like both traditional and digital media even if I tend to post more digitally-made art in these years.

Mhhmhhh, I think I like them because they have become a way to help me see the perception of my self, the growth as person and knowledge of how human mind works.

Q: What qualities do you think are important in a community member, and why do you believe those qualities are beneficial?

Empathy and compassion along with good communication skills (listening to others, and being clear and direct in conveying messages) and ability to self regulate in a constructive way emotions are nice qualities that make a member a great person. If you are empathetic and compassionate you can understand on a deeper levels others' experiences and the Otherness in general (both as a concept of Phenomenology and Anthropology). You can help others and yourself by putting yourself in other people's shoes. Empathy and Compassion shall go with a good, solid ethics (I like to combine both Kantian and Utilitarian ethics along with Buddhist principles) that doesn't hurt others. Having good communication skills help to diminish misunderstanding but it's also important to see if the person you are interacting with belongs to a high-context culture, a low-context culture or a mix of both (my review on Coming Out Simulator game explains the first two "briefly") and consequently adjust your communication to it, so again Empathy plays a role.

Regulating emotions and expressing them in a constructive way is not easy, I sometimes still struggle with them, but again I try to put myself in other's shoes and this helps me greatly to avoid useless conflicts. Art is a great tool to regulate emotions, isolating from others when I am fully enraged and simply doing nothing but listening to the surrounding environment is another way that helps me to regulate emotions. If you have difficulties by yourself, getting help from a professional may help but be consistent in your journey.

Q: What does it mean to be happy?

Damn, that's a tough question and I like it. Happiness can mean many things, depending on who you ask. For me happiness is linked to helping others (I've been a Red Cross volunteer for 18 years, I had to temporary stop due to University but I will get back to it and I am also thinking about joining a charitable organisation devoted to the protection of birds), being honest with yourself and not harming yourself and others. I am also happy when I study and learn new stuff because I am basically a philomath, I love knowledge whether it's for the sake of knowledge or to help others. Happiness it's also a state of mind like Buddhism taught me and in this case I have to train my mind and develop qualities that help me not to fall victim of my own mental poisons.

Q: How did you become a Red Cross volunteer?

It was when I was 18 years old, I always wanted to be more active in terms of helping others and one day I saw leaflets about Red Cross courses for the public. I took advantage of this and I signed up for the course. It started in February and ended in June. 11th July is the date I started my very first shift and I had to help an elderly person with pulmonary embolism.

Q: Describe your experiences of Red Cross volunteer, good, other bad, other extremely sad

If I had to describe my experiences with one single word it would be: powerful. Powerful both positively and negatively. I initially volunteered during the week when it was summer, then once University started I opted for weekends (first Saturdays but then Sundays).

I had several experiences, many of them relatively calm but others were wild rides. The wildest experiences I had was going to this person who got his face covered in blood because the neighbour hit him with a shovel, scratched and bit him on the head just because he was removing snow from his garden at early hour (around 06:30 AM) and this neighbour wanted to sleep. Even the dogs were petrified by fear when we arrived, and the "funny" thing is that the assaulter ran away with the wife and 1 years old child. I always wondered what this person will teach to his son, beating people to almost death because you don't want to hear noise...

The family of the victim sued this person eventually.

I performed 6 times cardiopulmonary resuscitation over these years and sadly none of these people survived. There is this myth about CPR in which after performing it, the person miraculously comes back to life. No, it doesn't work like that; CPR alone is unlikely to restart the heart. Its main purpose is to restore the partial flow of oxygenated blood to the brain and heart. The objective is to delay tissue death and to extend the brief window of opportunity for a successful resuscitation without permanent brain damage. Administration of an electric shock to the subject's heart, termed defibrillation, is usually needed to restore a viable, or "perfusing", heart rhythm. Defibrillation is effective only for certain heart rhythms, namely ventricular fibrillation or pulseless ventricular tachycardia, rather than asystole or pulseless electrical activity, which usually requires the treatment of underlying conditions to restore cardiac function. When we massage we aim at inducing the heart even enter ventricular fibrillation because it's better it beats, even arhythmically than it doesn't beat at all. Remember we aim at distributing oxygen that is already inside the body through tissues.

I still remember when a man was literally alive just because I was massaging non-stop his chest in the ambulance (the very moment he was sent to red codes at the hospital, the heart collapsed), or another patient whose heart beat because the doctor injected 8 doses of adrenaline but every time we removed our hands from the chest the heartbeats dropped to 20 bpm and the patient was around 50.

The saddest moments were definitely the one involving the death of the person I tried to help. CRPs were one of them because you firmly believe you can save the person but sadly it isn't the case, you feel adrenaline rushing through your body, you don't feel pain on your knees because you are massaging for 30 minutes straight, you just keep doing your chest compression over and over, sweats flows, hope is still alive, your mind is hung in a crystallized moment beyond the present. I know it's difficult to describe all of this if you haven't experienced but this is the best I can describe.

Among these saddest moments the hardest thing I ever had to make was announcing to the family members the death of their beloved one...I couldn't use words, I just hugged them in tears. Yes, in two occasions I burst out crying...I think I never really achieved that state of mind most of my colleagues had when bad stuff occurred. I saw them keeping chatting and enjoying their company like anything happened while I was in a devastated state of mind. Don't get me wrong they weren't bad people, quite the opposite. I think they simply reached a detached state of mind of acceptance that life has both cool and bad stuff and sadly you can't always save everyone. For me all the patients I helped or tried to help entered in a personal family in my heart, so losing one of them was like losing a member of this mental family built on solidarity.

Among bad stuff I had to deal with three cases of suicides (elderly people, many people ignore that suicide can affect the elderly too). Two of these sadly resulted in the death of the person but in one of them we volunteers had to perform CRP on the body of this elder woman who threw herself from the window. I will never forget how bright blood mixed with vomit was the sunlight of this cold winter morning. In another suicide case an elder man stabbed himself on his abdomen and I was surprise he didn't die by cutting through the spleen. But I remember the sense of hopelessness in his face. I do truly hope he got the help he deserves.

There are two things that struck in my mind and I will never forget them: the colour of human bones (I saw a bone coming out the arm of an elder man who threw himself out the window of the hospital of my town) and a sentence a psychiatric man told me when we brought him to the hospital. To describe how useless medications were on him he used this expression: I am like a fallow desert.

I am still surprised he used the word "desert" instead of field because people don't cultivate deserts. He was one of the few psychiatric patients who didn't scare me, I used to talk to him when we had to bring him to the hospital of the main city because he was a regular patient.

In another case we had to enter in a house where domestic violence occurred, we had to call the police, who very likely beat the crap out of him because he man involved in the violence (he had a long knife with him) because strangely docile and obeyed our orders. It took almost three hours to solve the problem because we had to perform a TSO (a health treatment with which a person is subjected to medical care regardless of his/her will and to do this you need to call police and contact the mayor), the mayor was on vacation (it was July) and competent authorities for these cases were not available at the moment, hence we had to call the police.

I know I depressed very much with these experiences so I want to share the most beautiful I had: the gratitude in the shape of a sunny smile a woman gave me once we met at the supermarket because she recognized me as one of the volunteers who helped her during a moment of psychiatric crisis. That smile silently shouted "Thank you!". I know it may be a simple thing, but I could emotionally feel the power of that simple smile.

In another shift I befriended a woman who was sent to rest home. She was very smart and well-educated. I even went to visit her at the rest home and I brought some foods for her and other patients during Christmas period. Sadly COVID-19 prevented me to visit her again but I plan to go visit her again. I still remember her name (I usually suck at remembering names, I remember easily faces) and I miss her and the people I befriended there. Every time my colleagues and I went to a rest home to bring a patient to the hospital, I tried to make them smile because I could see how abandoned some of them were.

The more gross stuff like being puked on, having blood on your clothes, helping the patient to urinate etc. never bothered me because I have a strong stomach since I was little and in such emergencies a person's life is more important than being covered in bodily fluids.

Q: How did you get interested in Vajrayana Buddhism?

My interest started thanks to Saint Seiya anime along with Taoism studies that prepared my mind to allow this powerful experience in my mind. Shaka Virgo is my favourite Gold Saint and the fact the anime had heavy references to Shingon Buddhism and general concepts of Buddhism like Six Realms, mentioned in Shaka's technique Rikudo Rinne, which means literally "Transmigration to the Six Paths", made me fall in love with this character. From Rikudo Rinne I started studying by myself what Bhavachakra was, then I learned about the twelve nidanas and so on. Along with this personal experiences made me understand the Four Noble Truths and I saw in Buddhism, especially the esoteric branch, a way to experiment those doctrines. Before getting into Buddhism I started with Lao Tzu and Taoism, and I still keep it at heart because it helped me to ease tension when dealing with some problems.

Q: Your favourite food and drinks

I love Mediterranean cuisine, so veggies and fish (I also love it raw) are my favourite foods while when it comes to drinks I love water, tap water specifically since you can drink where I live and because I want to use less plastic as possible, orange juices and green tea.

Q: What advice would you give for dealing with mental health struggles?

First I am not a professional, I'm just a person who happened to be a volunteer but the main advice I want to give is: you are not alone and seek help from professionals because the chances are high that you will need more than just your support, and you will need it for the long haul if you are dealing with mental health struggles. You are a person, not a monster or oddity to avoid or even worse to be put in an 40s asylum.

I also suggest to contact info of family members and friends that can offer support, phone numbers for local crisis numbers and mental health organizations (more than often I provided numbers and resources to friends who had friends with mental health issues and didn't know how to help).

Starting a conversation is another thing I feel to suggest: it can feel uncomfortable bringing up issues surrounding mental health, but showing an interest in a discussion is the first step in creating a safe space for those who might be struggling. Also carefully select people who genuinely love you and are willing to listen to you, not lecture you: at the core of most mental health disorders is feelings of disconnection and lack of belonging. To the people willing to help individuals with mental health problems, keep always in mind that individuals with mental health disorders are more likely to feel understood and seen, if you listen to them instead of lecturing them or feeling the urge to give advice. This opens the door to them receiving more help.

Remember that mental health issues can take a long time to resolve so be patient and consistent with the therapy but be comfortable and ready only when you feel it's time to seek help, don't rush it and to the people who want to help them, don't push them to seek help. Give them time.

Even after receiving care, be aware that challenges may remain. There may not be a quick fix. To people willing to help those struggling with mental health, you need to be prepared to potentially support your them for an extended period of time, and possibly over the course of their lifetime. And again when you talk to them, remember that you don’t necessarily have to talk about their mental health issues. Often discussing everyday things is a welcome distraction from the narrative that may be replaying in their minds. Reminiscing about old times, "spilling the tea" about recent events within your social circles and sharing humorous quotes, memes or videos can brighten their day.

I remember when I spent almost an entire night (timezones can be quite a hassle sometimes but I don't care when it comes to helping a person in need, if I know I can help even a bit) with an American friend of Irish origins who had a hallucination crisis on Discord and we talked privately about Irish history, listened and sang to Irish rebel songs and touched the most random topics in order to make him feel less alone. He felt better after this, I hope he's doing fine because it's been ages since last time we talked. I wish him all the best.

Last but not least: remember that if you seek help you are not "weak" or "broken", you are a person in need and your mental health is as important as your physical health since both are related. But at the same time you can always stop if you don’t find it helpful and seek for another professional or therapy, but at least give it a try because what you are going through is more than what you might be able to handle on your own in the moment.